Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
