Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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