sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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