There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
