She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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