I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You took a bar mat shot.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
