the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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