I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if only i could text you this smell
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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