Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize