my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
