Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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