I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
