I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
