i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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