Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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