Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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