I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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