we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
