It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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