...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
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Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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