i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
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Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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