Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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