He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
