He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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