I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
