Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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