i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
