Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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