Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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