i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
