Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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