id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
time to smoke my breakfast
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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