real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I can text with my tongue
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
