also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
