yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
