she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
