Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I want to fling myself into the sun
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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