Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
