just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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