Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's never too late to be topless.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
