Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
