Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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