Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
