I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
