I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance