I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!