if only i could text you this smell
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
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I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.