I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
