She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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