PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
