Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
