it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So. Much. Porn.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
