I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
