I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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