please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this boner is exhausting
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
