He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
