Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
