i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize