Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
