It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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