that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
