Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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