Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize