Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
