So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
