My liver just broke up with me...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
