I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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