I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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