would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
