Your dad touched me again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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