he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
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is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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