In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
