im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
