he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
