i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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