Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We are two peas in an std pod
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
