Soap is not a condiment
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
