brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Non-Jews are for practice
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
