Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
