I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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