i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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