Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
