I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
