I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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