How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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