Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
