Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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