u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
