Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
