I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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