apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
